Act 1, Scene 2: Mission Impossible



%AMB% AMB-0201 - Auditorium
%SND% SND-0201 - Student Chatter
%MUS% MUS-0201 - Cue 1

%ACT% Students are sitting in the auditorium

%HND% Curtain - open

%LIG% Lights on (Roomlight)
%LIG% Spot on Podium

%ATT% Set Projector OUT OF FOCUS

%ATT% Display Slide 1

Prof. Dr. George Bailey

Mapping the Genotypes of

%ACT% Students talk to each other.

%ACT% Savannah enters from [1], holding a stack of papers to her chest with both arms, looking for a free space. She stops before the first pair of students blocking her way.

Savannah: "Good morning! How are you?"

%ACT% Students ignore Savannah

Savannah: "I'd like to get to a seat. Would you mind if I squeezed past? Hello? "

%ACT% Students ignore Savannah

Savannah: "Oh well."

%ACT% Savannah just squeezes through.

%SND% SND-0202 - Student1: "Ow! Watch your step!"

%SND% SND-0203 - Student2: "Hey!"

%SND% SND-0204 - Student3: "Excuse me?"

%SND% SND-0205 - Student4: "Ouch! What happened to asking first?"

Savannah: "What? But … but I …"

%ACT% Bailey walks up to his podium

%ACT% The students applaud

%SND% SND-0206 - Applause

%LIG% Roomlight dims down (except for the spotlight on the podium)

%ACT% Students look at Bailey

%SND% SND-0206(cont.) - Applause dies down
%MUS% MUS-0202 - Cue 2

Bailey: "Dear Students. On behalf of the School of Ocean and Earth Science and Technology I would like to thank you for joining us here today as scientific staff for this year's volunteer mission. In times of limited funding, we are all very grateful that you all decided to sacrifice three weeks of your summer break to …"

Savannah: "Uhm, excuse me, Professor?"

%ACT% Students gasp and mumble. (How dare she interrupt the professor?)

%SND% SND-0207 - Gasp and mumble
%MUS% MUS-0202 - STOP
%MUS% MUS-0203 - Cue 3

Bailey (annoyed): "What is it?"

Savannah: "The screen is blurry, I can't read a thing. You might want to fix that."

Bailey (looks at the screen): "Oh. Monica, would you be so kind? Thank you."

%ACT% Monica walks up to the projector and adjusts the focus while Bailey carries on

%ACT% Bailey DOES NOT WAIT for Monica to actually finish.

%MUS% MUS-0204 - Cue 4 (at "the summer break")

Bailey: "Now where was I? I HATE being interrupted … erm … ah yes, the summer break. Anyways, thank you for volunteering. Now on to our mission: Mapping the Genotypes of Seaweed around the Hawaiian Islands. Seaweed, Ladies and Gentlemen, is probably the most underrated family of plants on the planet. Allow me to highlight a few points why our mission is so important."

%ACT% Bailey presses the button

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 2:

Prof. Dr. George Bailey

The economic potential of seaweed:

1) Solution to World Hunger
2) Non-Fossil Energy Source
3) New Industrial Applications

Bailey: "Technically, 70.8% of the earth's surface is covered by the world's largest bio reactor. It's free, it runs on solar energy, and it is 100% carbon neutral. It's an immense potential that we have barely begun tapping into."

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 3 - Solution to World Hunger

Bailey: "Seaweed might one day become the solution for world hunger, as a much more sustainable alternative to crops that grow on farmland. We might soon see seaweed farms that are the equivalent of the Midwest cornfields in the USA."

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 4 - Non-Fossil Energy Source

Bailey: "Natural seaweed grows 10 times faster than land-based plants — and are full of sugars just waiting to be turned into bio ethanol. This will provide a solution to the looming energy crisis and totally without interfering with the food supply."

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 5 - Industrial Applications

Bailey: "Seaweed is and will be used in countless applications. Soil Fertilizer, Animal Food, Cosmetics, Pharmaceuticals, and even industrial Wastewater Treatment. This *is* the market of the future. This is why our mission is so important. We're laying the groundwork for an aquacultural future."

%ACT% Savannah puts her hand up

Savannah: "Uhm, excuse me, Professor?"

%MUS% MUS-0205 Cue 5 (at "excuse me")

Bailey (annoyed): "What is it this time? Don't you like the color of my shirt? Or would you like an extra cushion for your chair?"

%ACT% Students laugh

%SND% 0209 - Students laugh

Savannah: (wait for laughter to end) "I'm sorry Sir, but are we also going to do some basic research, too, or will it all be about natural resource development? I was hoping to learn more about the ecology of marine plant life and the impact of civilization …"

Bailey: "Hah! Science for the sake of science is a thing of the past. What's the point of generating knowledge with no application in the real world? Taxpayers expect a return on their investment in us. If you came here to enjoy colorful plants, maybe you should have applied for an arts major instead! Any more questions? Good. Next slide."

%ACT% Bailey presses the button

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 6

Prof. Dr. George Bailey


(Diagram of the ship, side view and front view from:

%MUS% MUS-0206 - Cue 6

Bailey: "This is going to be your workplace for most of the coming three weeks: The Research Vessel Kilo Moana. It is operated by the University of Hawaii and you are going to supplement our resident crew of scientists. You will receive a detailed personal schedule from your tutor, telling you exactly what kind of activities you will be responsible for. Also, before you can go on board, there will be a mandatory safety training for everyone. Any more questions?"

%ACT% Student 1 in the last row [1] snores loudly

%SND% SND-0210 - Snoring

Bailey: "I take that as a no. I'm looking forward to seeing you all on board. Until then, feel free to enjoy the rest of the day."

%ACT% Bailey presses the button

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 7 - University Logo

%SND% SND-0211 - Students applaud + chatter
%SND% SND-0212 - Students chatter

%ACT% Students applaud

%ACT% Bailey leaves the podium, and walks off stage

%LIG% Lights dim back up again

%ACT% Students stand up and start talking.

%ACT% Savannah stand up and turns towards [1]

Savannah: "Wow. What a douchebag. Is he always like that? By the way, name's Savannah. How did you end up here?"

%ACT% Everyone on that side ignores Savannah, and walks outside.


Savannah: "Hello? Have I turned invisible over night?"

%ACT% Savannah turns around towards [7] to the people on the other side

%ACT% The remaining students turn and look at her.

Savannah: "Hi, I'm Savannah, I'm new here. Do you guys know a good place to hang out and get to know each other?"

%SND% SND-0214 - Student 5: "I'm really sorry, but we still have an awful lot of stuff to do tonight … maybe another time. Take care!"

%ACT% The students turn and leave.


Savannah: "Uh, wait, don't run away! May be we can do stuff together! Hey!"

%ACT% everyone's gone.

Savannah: "Oh great. Seems I'm off to a wonderful start."

%ACT% Savannah walks up to the podium, and presses the button that changes the slides.

%LIG% Lights dim down, except for the spot on the podium

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 8

Business Plan 2013

1. University
2. Students
3. ???

%MUS% MUS-0207 - Cue 7

Savannah (mocking Bailey's Voice): "Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the association of chronically underfunded researchers, I would like to thank you for your contribution of free labor."

%ACT% Monica comes in silently from [7], standing directly behind Savannah, not saying a word.

Savannah: "Unfortunately we can't afford to let you learn anything interesting on your own behalf, because we spent all our tax dollars on this shiny new boat, and if we don't ship a solution for world peace and free beer by next Monday, taxpayers are going to kill this cute little puppy."

%ACT% Savannah presses the button

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)

%ATT% Display Slide 9

Savannah: "Thank you for your complete lack of attention. Keep calm and do what you're told. Sleep well my friends!"

%MUS% MUS-0208 - Cue 8

%ACT% Savannah turns around, facing Monica

Savannah (panics): "ARGH!"

%ACT% Savannah turns back, frantically pushes the button, trying to get the presentation to end and a series of random nonsensical slides flashes across the screen.

%MUS% MUS-0209 - Cue 9

%ATT% Change Slides rapidly

%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 1 - Electronic Schematic
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 2 - Wikileaks homepage
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 3 - Pie Chart
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 4 - Grumpycat
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 5 - Caution, Wet Floor
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 6 - Pawpetshow Logo
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 7 - Bill Gates Mugshot
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 8 - Unicorn Puking a Rainbow
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 9 - Censored Furry Porn
%SND% SND-0208 - Slide Change (RATS)
%ATT% Random Slide 10 - "Like a boss"

%ATT% The presentation stops, and slide 10 just stays on screen.

%LIG% Lights dim back up again

%SND% SND-0213 - slow clap
%MUS% MUS-0210 - Cue 10

%ACT% Monica claps slowly (listen to sound effect!)

Monica: "Should I help adjust the projector for you?"

%ACT% Savannah double-facepalms

Savannah (through her teeth, embarrassed): "Why, just WHY am I always so full of myself?"

Monica: "You have quite a temper, don't you?"

Savannah: "I'm so sorry, but sometimes I just have to let it all out."

Monica: "You should be glad that Bailey didn't see you."

Savannah: "Oh, Monica - I’m sorry! I grew up thinking science is for helping people. I put band-aids on smashed snails as a kid. When I see something is wrong, I can’t help it."

Monica: "Yeah, I know. That's why you lost your previous internship at that research company - something about lab animal mistreatment, right?"

%MUS% MUS-0211 - Cue 11

Savannah: "*SIGHS* I'm going to take the first flight home tomorrow. I guess this isn't for me, after all. The whole trip has been one big disappointment so far."

Monica: "Aw, come on. This is your first day here, and the rest of the group are all locals. It's going to get better once you're on the boat, working together."

Savannah: "Well …"

Monica: "Not everyone around here is a stiff old guy like Bailey. It's going to be fun! Really. Look outside, the weather is awesome. How about you take the number 18 bus to Ala Moana, and go shopping."

Savannah: "I feel more like getting drunk."

Monica: "Then you should definitely check out Makani's beach bar. He knows how to throw a party!"

Savannah: "Yeah, why the hell not. Let's hit the beach. How about you?"

Monica: "I'm afraid I have to stay here and prepare the safety training."

Savannah: "Aw, that's a shame, but oh well. I'll have an extra drink for you, then. See you tomorrow!"

Monica: "See you tomorrow!"

%ACT% Monica and Savannah hug


%LIG% Lights out

%HND% Curtain - close