Act 1, Scene 2: Hard-boiled Breakfast


"When dreaming, we usually don't realize that we are. Yet, when we wake up, we immediately realize that it was just a dream. Our dreams seem so very real to us because, to our brain, dreams ARE real. They can cause our heart rate to double, our blood pressure to rise, make us break out in a sweat and make us scream. If our brain is experiencing it, and our bodies are responding to it, doesn't that, for us, make it real? And how do we tell dreams and reality apart?

Usually we consider dreams not to be real because they can't hurt us. Only reality can. When an attacker hits us in a dream, we do not have any injuries when we wake up. From this we are able to conclude it was just a dream and not reality. If it were real we would bear the injuries, right?

That's how we distinguish them from reality. But still dreams DO exist. Dreaming is a real phenomenon, even though the dreams themselves might be just an illusion. So perhaps dreams can be considered a different TYPE of reality.

We assume that all the things we experience when we are awake are the real deal, the genuine article, that they are really reality, and not a dream.

But what if reality is also an illusion that only APPEARS to be real? After all, we also take our dreams for real until we wake up. What test can we apply to prove or disprove it? The answer is that we can't. It is not possible to test this reality. We wouldn't know it wasn't the real thing until we 'woke up' and reached the real real reality to make the comparison.

So, what IS reality? What does it mean?"


%AMB% 02 - Kitchen

%SND% 0201 - Water Boiling

%ACT% Mika dumm-dee-dums and dances along with the radio, working at the stovetop.

%SND% 0201 (STOP) - Water Boiling

%ACT% Mika carries an egg to the table while still dancing and puts it into an egg-cup, sitting down

Mika: "Lionel! Breakfast is ready!"

%SND% 0202 - Toilet flushing

%ACT% Lionel enters from section A, looking all ruffled, yawns

Lionel: "*YAAAAWN* Good morning, spottykitty!"

Mika: "Good morning, honeybunny!"

%ACT% Lionel walks over to Mika, kisses her and sits down

Lionel (groan): "Oh, what a night. I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all."

Mika: "Awww. Maybe you shouldn't drink so much next time we go out?"

Lionel: "No, I don't feel hung over. I just feel … strange."

Mika: "I'm sure it'll go away once you've had something good to eat. I've made your favorite breakfast: French toast and hardboiled eggs!"

Lionel: "Ah, that's sweet. Thank you, honey!"

%ACT% Mika turns back to the stove, handling a frying pan.

%SND% 0203 - Sizzles

%ACT% Lionel takes a spoon and cracks the egg, which goes SPLURT.

%SND% 0204 - tock tock tock - splurt

Lionel (surprised): "Oooops!"

%ACT% Mika turns around

Mika: "What is it?"

Lionel: "Oh, nothing. Everything's fine."

Mika: "Oh come on, if it was nothing, you wouldn't say oops, right?"

Lionel: "The egg is just a little bit softer than I had expected. It's not a problem, really."

Mika: "What? That can't be. It's hardboiled."

Lionel: "No, it's not. It's still quite runny."

Mika: "But I cooked it four and a half minutes, like always. It must be hard boiled."

Lionel: "But it's obviously not, no matter how long you cooked it."

Mika (angry): "What? It doesn't matter how much time I spend in the kitchen JUST FOR YOU? If you don't like it, don't eat it!"

Lionel: "I didn't say I don't like it."

Mika: "Then why don't you just eat it?"

Lionel: "I AM eating it, for heaven's sake!"

Mika: "Then what the hell are you complaining about?"

Lionel: "I'm not complaining! I'm just answering your goddamn question!"

Mika: "Oh yes?"

%ACT% The egg comes to life and complains.

Egg: "AAAAAAAH! Stop arguing! You're driving me crazy! I'm out of here! Aaaaaaah!"

%ACT% Egg jumps out of its egg cup, and runs away at high speed to section B.

%SND% 0205 - Sound of Egg running away

%ACT% Mika and Lionel look after the egg speechlessly, mouths hanging open

%ACT% … for three seconds …

Lionel (spiteful): "I told you it was runny!"

%SND% 0206 - Door

%ACT% Lori comes in from section A before anyone can say another word

%ACT% Mika and Lionel turn to Lori

Lori: "*YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN* Good Morning you two! Oh, what a night. I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all. Oh, breakfast! Are you making eggs? I'd like mine hard boiled, please!"

Mika, Lionel (simultaneously): "EGGS ARE OUT!"

Lori: "Oh!"

%ACT% Lori sits down

Lori: "Is anything … wrong?"

Mika (sighs): "No. Sorry. It's just that somehow nothing seems to make any sense today."

Lori: "Oh, I know perfectly what you mean. Today I woke up wearing my red pajamas. Although I am pretty sure I don't OWN any red pajamas. Believe me, this is the last time I've let poke invite me into a bar. I never was so drunk in my entire life!"

Mika: "Tell me about it. When I got up today, I found a tube of mayonnaise where my toothpaste used to be. My memories of last night are somewhat … nebulous."

Lionel: "I remember you girls having a lot of fun!"

Lori: "Yes, at least until Poke started insulting the guys at the other table."

%ACT% Mika laughs

Mika: "Oh yes of course, now it's all coming back. I didn't know you could run so fast!"

Lori (angry): "Oh yeah? If that's so funny, why did you run along?"

Mika: "Let's call it … intuition. I'm sure, Poke still managed to have a blast even without us."

Lori: "I don't know. I feel bad for leaving him behind like that."

Mika: "Don't worry. I walked past his door half an hour ago, and I heard him snoring. So, whatever happened to him, he's at least still able to breathe."

%SND% 0207 - Electric Sparks

%LIG% light flickers

%ACT% Everyone looks around

%ACT% Lori whimpers

Lori: "Huh? What was that? What's happening?"

Mika: "I don't know …"

%LIG% light goes out

%AMB% 02 (STOP) - Kitchen

%SND% 0208 - blackout sound

Lionel: "Oh shit. The power is gone. Hang on, I'll go and check the breakers."

Mika (whispering): "No wait! Something is wrong here! I can feel it!"

Lionel: "What?"

Mika (whispering): "Sssh! Quiet! Don't you hear that noise?"

%SND% 0208 (cont) - fluttering of wings and squeaking

%ACT% Lori whimpers in fear

%ACT% a huge mass of vampires shows up in the kitchen (invisible in the dark at first)

%SND% 0208 (cont) - there is silence for just two seconds

Lori (intimidate): "Hello? Is anybody there?"

%SND% 0209 - ATTACK PART 1: lout attack music, flapping wings, breaking glass, fighting

%LIG% STROBE ( 1 second)

%LIG% UV-light ON


%LIG% Light comes back on in RED

%HND% horror effects like blood, sparks of lightning

Lori: "AAAAAH! We're all going to die!"

%ACT% Mika takes the frying pan and starts batting at bats

%SND% 0210 - frying pan (whenever Mika hits a bat)

Mika: "Vampires! Hundreds of them! They're everywhere!"

Lori: "Vampires? Where are they coming from? Why are they attacking us?"

Mika: "I don't know! And I don't care! If you want to stay alive, stay behind me, and shut the hell up, okay? Take that, you little monsters!"

%SND% 0209 (STOP) - vampire attack part 1

%SND% 0211 - ATTACK PART 2: rise and change in music

%ACT% Mika continues battling off vampires in the background

%ACT% Lori and Lionel huddle together behind Mika

%ACT% Lori, Mika, Lionel begin to fight their way to the exit in section A. (Fight continues while minions are talking.)

%SND% 0211 (cont.) - CRASH!

%ACT% Minion1 and Minion2 crash through the breakfast table from below, sending breakfast shrapnel flying all over the place spectacularly.

%FOG% A blast of fog from below

%LIG% Light Minions through fog with flashlight from below

Minion1 (cold, rational): "Creatures of the Shadows! Don't let your hunger distract you! We must find the girl! Search every corner!"

Minion2 (excited, mad): "Oh! The smell of fear! So sweet! So arousing!"

Minion1 (cold, rational): "Keep your boner in your pants! We've got a job to do!"

Minion2 (excited, mad): "Oh come on, lets forget about the fucking job for a moment! Don't you see the bitch isn't here? She must be in one of the other rooms! Leave it to the others to get her! God, don't you smell this? I'm so hungry! I want them! Let me go! LET ME GO!"

Minion1: (cold, rational) "You are such a sick fucker. Alright, you're dismissed, under one provision … "

%SND% 0211 (STOP)

%SND% 0212 - ATTACK PART 3

Minion2: (excited, mad): "Yes? Yes?"

Minion1 (hateful): "Leave one of them *for me*!"

%ACT% Minion1 laughs and shrieks madly, diving into the general fight.

%LIG% Flashlight OFF

Minion2 (shouting maniacally): "I love you, man! I love you, man! We're gonna fuck them up so badly, yeeehaaaaa! "

%ACT% Minion2 goes on laughing and shrieking, and joining the general fight.

Mika: "Lori, Lionel, we must get out of here, they're just too many!"

Lori: "But what about Poke?"

Mika: "Forget about Poke! This is our only chance! If you want to stay alive, run for the door! One, two, three … NOW!"

%ACT% Lori, Lionel and Mika scream and run away to the other side of the stage

Lori, Mika, Lionel: "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"

%SND% 0212 (cont.) - Final Rise

%ACT% Bats fly and run after them

%LIG% Lights Out

%HND% Close Curtain