Act 3, Scene 4: Rolling Home


%SND% radio jingle

Jeff: “Welcome back to KQWY, my Name is Jeff Castbroad and here with me is my good friend Eddie Rodia!”

Eddie: “Good Morning Las Vegas!”

Jeff: “The time is 5 past 9, and after one scary night, we're back on our mission to rock the strip!”

Eddie: “Yes, that was a strange night indeed. It will probably take a couple of weeks until all the damage is repaired. I think it's safe to say that we've managed to get away with a black eye. The outcome could have been much worse.”

Jeff: “Is there any news on what might have caused all this?”

Eddie: “No, the meteorologists still have no explanation. There are speculations it might have something to do with global warming, but that is only a theory.”

Jeff: “Don't they think that blaming everything they don't understand on global warming is getting just a little bit old?”

Eddie: “No matter what caused it, at about at 3am a strong opposite wind set in, blowing the clouds away back into the desert. At about 4am, the clouds had completely disappeared, and if it wasn't for all the bright neon lights, you could have seen a clear, starry sky.”

Jeff: “Okay, then I guess the most important thing is that we didn't end up like New Orleans, and that the damage can be repaired. Is there anything new besides the weather?”

Eddie: “Yes! Life has barely turned back to normal, but there's already the next scandal … Copies of a legal document have been leaked to the public, proving that the stardust casino is actually built upon an ancient indian holy site. The document also says that the owner must grant the shamans of the tribe unlimited access to that site.”

Jeff: “That alone doesn't sound very scandalous to me.”

Eddie: “Here's the interesting part: The plans for the new building provide no such access. On the contrary, the site is supposed to be permanently buried. You can imagine that this is causing quite a stir. The building authority has retracted their building permit until investigations have been completed.”

Jeff: “Wow! I'm curious how this is going to develop.”

Eddie: “So am I …”

Jeff: “Okay, enough talking! It's time to lighten up. To make things a little easier, here comes Clint Black with 'A Good Run Of Bad Luck'”

%MUS% Clint Black - A Good Run of Bad Luck


%HND% curtains open

%LIG% full lights on

%MUS% Fade Music Down

%AMB% AMB-1101 - Bus motor, passing cars

Lionel: “Mika, I don't believe it … are you completely out of your mind? You really did that?”

Mika: “Oh yes! I've got the black belt in take-one-leap, don't you remember? So, I grabbed the guy by his tie, and I said in my fiercest voice: What do you want? Money? Or Death?”

Lionel: “What???”

Mika: “Then I heard a noise behind me … which distracted me for just a split second! The guy reached under his table, and pulled out the biggest gun I've ever seen! I leaped of the table with a double backflip. He tried to aim at me, but I was faster. I jumped up, grabbing the chandelier, and swung myself behind him, landing directly on his back.”

Lionel: “Oh my god!!!!”

Mika: “I grabbed his arm, and SMASHED it on the desk, trying to make him let loose. He fired once … *BANG*”

%ACT% everyone flinches

Mika: “And again … *BANG*”

%ACT% everyone flinches again

Mika: “And a third time! *BANG* Then he finally let loose!”

Lionel: “Pheeeew”

Mika: “I grabbed his throat with my claws, baring my teeth, ready to deliver the final deadly blow! I said 'Prepare to draw your last breath, scumbag!” and he said “No no no, please don't kill me! I've got a wive and three kids please let me live! I'll do anything you want!” then I got really close to his ear, whispering “You've got one last chance. Take the money, and run … run, and never return!””

Lionel: “And he did?”

Mika: “You bet! He ran like a scared little child, crying for his mommie! And then I took the contract and left.”

Lionel: “Oh, Mika, you're my hero … what should we have done without you?”

Mika: “Oh, don't mention it … sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do! And I … uhm … Lionel, why are you looking at me like that?”

Lionel: “Err … I'm sorry, will you two excuse me for a moment? I've got to go … uhm … powder my whiskers. I'll be right back … pardon me …”

%ACT% Lionel disappears

%ACT% Lori turns to Mika

Lori: “Mika, I'm impressed … was all that really true? Did you really beat this guy up like that, just to get the contract?”

Mika (laughs): “Oh, Lori, you've got so much left to learn!”

Lori: “What do you mean?”

Mika: “Lori, sometimes if you want to impress a male, looking good and smelling nice is not enough … sometimes, the truth needs a little … amplification.”

Lori: “Oh. So … what did you really do?”

Mika: “Let's not spoil it. The money is gone, and we've got the contract. That's all that matters.”

Lori: “Oh, that reminds me of something …”

%ACT% Lori gets out her cellphone and starts pressing buttons.

%SND% SFX-1101 - beep beep beep

%ACT% Lionel comes back.

Lionel: “Phew! That was just in time! I feel like born again!”

Mika: “Urrrrrgh!”

Lionel: “Oh, Lori, who are you calling?”

Lori: “I'm not calling anyone!”

Lionel: “Then what are you doing with your cellphone?”

Lori: “I'm setting the alarm clock.”

Lionel: “What for?”

Lori (annoyed): “Well, isn't that obvious? The next ritual will be due in 50 years, and I don't want to be late!”

%MUS% Turn Music Up

%ACT% Lionel and Mika “die” because of the bad joke

%AMB% AMB-1101 - (STOP)

%HND% Slowly close curtain



%SND% radio jingle

%LIG% Light fades slowly during radio outro, ending in total blackness

Eddie: “It's another sunny day … but if last night has taught us something, then it's that weather is like life itself: No matter how well you think you are prepared, unpredictable things will happen. In the end, the only thing that will save you on a rainy day, is true friendship and love. In this spirit, dear listeners, I'd like to read you this email that we have received. It comes from an anonymous account, and it doesn't have a valid date, but I'm still going to read it because it feels like the sender has something very important to say. This message goes out to someone called “Loreena Mc Folkmanis”:

Dear Lori, I wish we had been able to spend more time together. But don't worry. You know who your friends are, and that is something very precious. They will watch over you like you will watch over them. And so will I. Even though we may be 50 years apart, I promise we will see each other again one day. I wish you a joyful and happy life. I love you, Monty.”

%ACT% Silence


%ACT% Curtain Call

%MUS% Muppets Theme