- Stage: The lighthouse
- Setting: White canvas obscures view, rotating light casting shadows of the characters
- Section: A, B
- Puppets: Lionel, Mika, Lori, Poke, Panda
- Props: Frying Pan
AMB-10 - Lighthouse Ambience
lights on, rotating light behind canvas (or moving head/scanner simulating a rotating lighthouse)
Lionel, Mika, Lori and Poke enter from section B, one after another, sneaking into the lighthouse
SFX-1001 - suspense music
SFX-1002 - tinkle
Lionel (whispering): "Shhh! Quiet! We don't want to alert the lighthouse keeper! God knows what happens if he catches us!"
Lori (whispering): "Oops, sorry."
Lionel: "We must search this place! Look for a radio or something else we can use to alert the coast guard!"
They sneak on, leaving to section A
They sneak back in, into the other direction
The Keeper follows at some distance, holding up a frying pan
They sneak on, up to the middle of the stage
SFX-1003 - creak!
They stop walking
The Keeper closes in, standing behind Poke
Lionel: "Stop! Everyone, stop! I think there was a noise."
Lionel turns to Mika
Lionel: "Did you hear something?"
Mika: "No, nothing."
Mika turns to Lori
Mika: "Did you hear something?"
Lori: "No, nothing."
Lori turns to Poke
Lori: "Did you hear something?"
Poke: "No, nothing."
Poke turns to the Keeper
Poke: "Did you hear something?"
Keeper: "No, nothing. The coast is clear."
Poke turns to Lori
Poke: "The coast is clear."
Lori turns to Mika
Lori: "The coast is clear."
Mika turns to Lionel
Mika: "The coast is clear."
Lionel: "Ah, good. So the coast is clear."
Mika: "Wait a minute ... I heard five answers!"
Lionel: "But we're only four!"
All turn around, except for the Keeper
All (scream): "Aah! It's the lighthouse keeper! Aah!"
Lori (screams): "And he is wielding a frying pan!"
Poke (screams): "Run for your lives!"
All (scream): "Aah!"
SFX-1001 STOP - suspense music
SFX-1004 - chase music
They start running away from the Keeper out to Section B
The Keeper chases them back from B to A
Keeper: "Stop, you vermin! How dare you break into my tower! Stop!"
Lionel: "No, no, wait! We're all grown up people, can't we just talk it over?"
Mika: "Lionel, stop talking, RUN!"
they run off Section A
SFX-1005 - fighting
All: "Grr, argh grmpf!"
Mika (off): "Give me that frying pan!"
SFX-1005 (stop) - fighting
SFX-1006 - bang
The Keeper staggers in again, up to the middle of the stage
They come running after him, Mika wielding the frying pan
The Keeper opens a trapdoor and jumps down, locking it shut from the outside
SFX-1007 - trapdoor open, close, click
SFX-1004 (STOP) - chase music
Poke tries to open the trapdoor
Poke gives up
Poke: "Ah, shit! He locked himself out!"
Mika (groan): "No, you idiot! He locked us in!"
Keeper (off): "You're just getting what you deserve!"
Mika: "Don't go away! We need your help!"
Keeper (off): "My help? Are you kidding? Oh ... wait a
minute! I recognize that voice! You're the nutcase who called me on the
Lionel: "Please! Listen to us!"
Keeper (off): "No, I won't listen! You are going to stay up there, until the coast guard arrives."
Lionel: "The coast guard! Yes, that's perfect! Can you please call them? Every minute counts!"
Keeper (off): "I can't. The phone line is dead. You'll
have to wait for the next patrol. Don't worry, they'll take care of you
Lionel: "And when will that be?"
Keeper (off): "Tomorrow at noon, maybe later."
Lori: "That's too late! There's a murderer on the loose!
It's only a question of time until he finds out that we're here, and
then we are doomed!"
Keeper (off): "What the hell are you talking about? Stop
wasting my time! I'll be on my way down. I've got better things to do
than talking to a bunch of lunatics. Good night!"
SFX-1008 - metal steps (leaving)
Lionel: "But ..."
Keeper (off, far away): "Lalalalala!! I'm not listening!"
Lionel (sighs): "Damn! I doubt that he's going to come back anytime soon."
Mika: "We're on top of a lighthouse. It can't be that
hard to make someone on the mainland notice us. Doesn't anyone of us
know morse code or something?"
Poke: "I don't."
Lionel: "Me neither."
Lori: "What's morse code?"
Poke: "Let's just kill the light. I bet they will notice that!"
Mika: "And how the hell are we supposed to do that? Stick it up your ferret-ass?"
Poke: "I'd be de-lighted!"
Lionel (groan): "The lighthouse is a guide for all the
ships passing. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be
responsible for any ships running aground."
Poke: "Oh, I've got a better idea. How about sticking this thing up Mika's backside? That'll give us pink light! Ta-da! The first officially gay lighthouse!"
Mika: "Pink? You mean my underwear, don't you?"
Poke: "No, actually I meant ..."
Lionel: "Wait! Red underwear! Hmmmmmmmmm ..."
Lori: "Lionel! We're locked up, a murderer is closing in on us, and you're fantasizing about your sweetheart's lingerie?"
Lionel: "No, I mean ... yes! Honestly, what if changing
the color of the light really works? I'm sure someone would notice
Mika: "Nooo! No no no! I can see where this is going!
That's the cheapest excuse to get a glance at my naked butt that I've
ever heard. My panties stay on!"
Lionel: "Well, technically you're never naked. You still got fur."
Mika: "No means 'no'!"
Lionel: "Okay. If you guys still have any ideas, go
ahead! But I'm going to get myself some rest now. I'm dead tired, and I
must admit, I actually feel quite safe up here."
Lionel lies down with a grunt
Lionel: "Come here, Spottykitty."
Mika sighs and moves over
Mika and Lionel cuddle, purr
Lori and Poke move to the opposite side
Lori (whispers): "Psst! Hey Poke!"
Poke (whispers): "What is it?"
Lori (whispers): "Whatever Lionel says, I don't feel safe at all! We can't just sit here and do nothing!"
Poke (whispers): "Aha? So what do you think we should do?"
Lori (whispers): "I've got a plan: We should do it like professionals. Do you still remember episode 943?"
Poke (whispers): "Uh ... Yes ... I think so. Wasn't that the one about that special piece of evidence?"
Lori (whispers): "Yes, exactly. And do you remember what Fritz Fritham did to get this special piece of evidence?"
Poke (whispers): "Yes,I do! But doesn't that violate Scotland Yard regulation 5-1-4 B, Section 2?"
Lori (whispers): "Poke, sometimes you have to forget about regulations and do what you have to do!"
Poke (whispers): "Uh ... okay!"
Lori (whispers): "All right, that's the spirit! Let's do it like in Episode 943! Here we go!"
Lori turns around
Lori: "Oh, Mika?"
Mika (drowsy): "Yes? What's the matter?"
Lori: "We ... uhm ... we need your help! Could you come over here for a minute, please?"
Mika stands up, stretching
Mika: "All right ... what is it?"
Lori: "Uh ... come a bit closer, I don't want to wake up Lionel."
Mika (yawning): "Fair enough ..."
Mika walks over to Lori and Poke, meeting them in the middle of the stage
Lori: "Poke! Now!"
Lori, Poke (shout): "PANTY ATTACK!"
Mika: "What the ..."
They fight, Poke and Lori trying to get Mika's panties
SFX-1009 - catfight, chase music
Poke drags the panties off Mika's butt and runs away
Poke: "I've got them! I've got them!"
Mika (hisses, spits): "Hey! Stop! You rotten son of a bitch!"
Mika runs after Poke
Mika: "Give me my undies back!"
Poke: "Give me one good reason!"
Mika: "You want an explanation? Well, then, please let me quote what a world-famous frying pan once said!"
Mika pulls out the frying pan and hits Poke over the head
SFX-1010 - pan bang
Lori runs up to Mika and steals the dropped panties
Lori: "Believe me, it's for your own good!"
Lori runs off towards Lionel
Mika: "Give me that!"
Mika runs after Lori
Lori: "Lionel! Catch!"
Lori stops and throws the panties over to Lionel
Mika reaches Lori and whacks her to the ground
SFX-1010 - pan bang
Lionel: "Huh? What the ...?"
Mika (screams): "You! Aaaah!"
Mika runs up to Lionel, growling and hissing, wielding the frying pan
Lionel (screams): "No! Wait! Don't hit me, don't hit me! I'm your boyfriend! Remember? We're engaged!"
SFX-1009 (STOP) - braking noise, music stops
Mika (still in rage): "Oh ... yes. You're right."
Lionel: "Mika ... drop the pan ... please."
Mika: "Oh ... okay."
Mika drops the frying pan
SFX-1011 - pan drop
Lionel: "There's a good girl."
Mika: "Now give me back my panties!"
Lionel: "Mika ... Don't you think it would be worth a try?"
Mika: "No! I don't want everyone to see me naked!"
Lionel: "Well ... you knocked everyone out cold, so that's one thing less to worry about."
Mika: "But I still don't want to!"
Lionel: "It could save our lives, Mika! And if it doesn't work I'll give them right back to you, okay?"
Mika (sighs): "All right then. Do it. But do it quickly, I'm getting cold."
Lionel: "Thank you, sweetheart."
Mika: "Don't sweetheart me!"
Lionel goes over to the lamp and covers it with Mika's panties
flip on the red filters to the lights
SFX-1012 - aaaaaah / belltree
Lionel: "Yes, look! It really works!"
Mika: "I can see that. But ... forgive me if I'm having a hard time appreciating the success."
Lionel walks back to Section A
Lionel: "Oh come on, spottykitty, don't fret. There's
nothing left to do now but to sit and wait. Why don't you come over
here, so I can shield you from the prying eyes of the greedy
Mika goes over to Lionel and they snuggle
Mika (sighs): "All right. I'm sorry for throwing a fit. You did the right thing."
Lionel: "Don't worry, all is forgiven. So what are we going to do while we wait?"
Mika (giggles, purrs): "Well, I'm not sure if you have
anything specific in mind but here's a hint: I'm not wearing my panties
anymore ... MREOW"
Lionel (giggles): "You silly kitty!"
Mika and Lionel slowly disappear downwards, still giggling
Poke and Lori wake up, groaning
Lori: "Whoa ... what a hit. My head hurts ... I'm all dizzy ... and ... and I'm seeing stars!"
Poke: "Wow! Yes! And look down there on the floor! I can even see the moon!"
the frying pan comes flying from Mika and hits Poke flat on the head
SFX-1013 - swish-swish-swish-wish
SFX-1013 (RELEASE) - EXTRA STRONG BANG!
MUS-08 - Hindi Sad Diamonds