- Stage: The Dorm
- Setting: A TV stands in section B, the door to Lionels room is in section A
- Section: A, B
- Puppets: Lionel, Mika, Lori, Poke
- Props: TV set
- Music: ""
Lori sits in front of the TV, watching "The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle"
SFX-0201 - Suspense Music on TV
Lori: "Au contraire, my Lord, au contraire. The murderer is still in this house!"
SFX-0202 - Inspector (TV): "Au contraire, my Lord, au contraire. The murderer is still in this house!"
Lori: "Truth be told, the murderer of Mr. Jasper Fetherston is-"
SFX-0203 - Inspector (TV): "Truth be told, the murderer of Mr. Jasper Fetherston is-"
Lori: "Right behind you!"
SFX-0204 - Thomas (TV): "Right behind you!"
Lori: "Thomas Thatchem!"
SFX-0205 - Inspector (TV): "Thomas Thatchem!"
Lori: "Yes, it's me! And now I'm going to put an end to it all!"
SFX-0206 - Thomas (TV): "Yes, it's me! And now I'm going to put an end to it all!"
Lori: "You thought you had committed the perfect crime, but Fritz Fritham will never let himself be circum ... vented!"
SFX-0207 - Inspector (TV): "You thought you had committed the perfect
crime, but Fritz Fritham will never let himself be circum ... vented!"
SFX-0208 - door opens
Lori shuts up immediately, still watching the show
Poke: "Sorry, I'm late! Is the show already on? Did I miss anything?"
Lori: "Shh! Yes, you missed everything. Now quiet! The inspector is just about to reveal the murderer!"
Poke: "Oh, is that the episode where his Lordship pays the gardener to kill Mr. Fetherston?"
Lori (angry): "Arrgh! Poke! Now you spoiled it!"
Poke: "Spoiled? What's wrong with you? You know the whole shit inside out!"
Lori: "Poke, you don't understand this! It's called 'Suspension of disbelief'!"
Poke: "You're into suspension? Well, who would have believed!"
SFX-0208 - door opens
SFX-0201 - suspense music slowly fades
Lionel and Mika enter and walk across the room, ignoring the others
Lionel: "So, what did you say to the guy?"
Mika: "Well, I said, 'My name is Mika, but you can call me - tonight.'"
Lionel: "You really said that?"
Mika: "Yes, I swear."
Lori (clears her throat): "Good e-ve-ning!"
Lionel stops and looks back
Mika stops and turns
Lionel: "Oh, hi!"
Mika: "Hi you two. What's on TV?"
Poke: "The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle."
Mika: "The Hounds of ..."
Lionel: "... Blackwhite Castle?"
Mika and Lionel go "BLEARGH!"
Lionel (sarcastic): "Well then ... enjoy the show."
Mika: "Come on, honey-bunny!"
Lionel: "I'm right here, spotty-kitty."
Lionel and Mika kiss
Lori and Poke go "BLEARGH!"
Lionel and Mika turn away again, snuggling
Lionel: "Where were we?"
Mika: "Well, that guy was kinda sweet, so I actually thought, I should-"
Lori: "Hello? Is there anything wrong with us?"
Lionel and Mika groan and turn around again
Mika: "What is it?"
Lori: "Oh, I just thought, maybe we were still your friends. Sorry for the misunderstanding."
Lionel: "Huh? What did we do?"
Lori: "Nothing, that's the problem! What happened to the times we'd watch TV together?
Nowadays all you two care about is each other, making me feel like the
odd one out. And Poke, too. Are we no longer good enough for you?"
Lori turns to Poke
Lori (whispering): "Do I have a pimple on my nose?"
Lori (whispers): "Oh, good."
Lori turns back
Lionel: "Oh, please. Won't you ever grow up? Just
because I've been spending a little more time with Mika lately doesn't
mean we're no longer friends. I know that 'The Hounds of Blackwhite
Castle' is your favorite show but ... I just don't like it. It's so ...
illogical and predictable."
Mika: "It sucks. And now, will you please excuse us!"
Lori: "No, it's not predictable!"
Lionel: "But it's always the gardener!"
Lori: "No, it's not always the gardener!"
Poke: "Err ... It's not?"
Mika grabs Lionel's tail and drags him away
Lori: "No! In episode 93 it was his Lordship's personal
barber, in episode 345 it was the stable-boy, in episode 831 it was the
house-keeper and ... um ... in episode ... 1351 the postman was killed
by ... the daughter's neice's step-sister's grand-son ..."
Lionel and Mika are gone
SFX-0209 - door slam
Lori: "... twice removed."
Lori turns around
SFX-0210 - Announcer (TV): "Don't forget to tune in again next time when
'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' starts over from the beginning!"
Lori: "Oh no! Now we missed the end over this stupid argument."
Poke: "It was the gardener."
Lori (angry): "Yes, but only because the Lord paid him! Now shut up!"
SFX-0211 - Announcer (TV): "This was the final episode of 'The Hounds of
Blackwhite Castle'. But stay tuned, it's not over yet! Right after this
break we will continue with the drawing of our legendary 'Fan of the
SFX-0212 - Pepsodent Advertisement
Lori and Poke act out the advertisement, holding toothbrushes. When the
advertisement is over, they suddenly realize how silly that was, and
embarassedly drop the toothbrushes, looking around if anyone might have
Lori: "So let's see if I won anything this time."
Poke: "You? You're not going to win anything, because I'm going to win!"
Lori: "What makes you so sure?"
Poke: "Well ... I looked up the answer to the question on Wikipedia! I cannot fail!"
Lori: "No fair!"
Poke (laughs): "All is fair in love and war!"
SFX-0213 - Announcer (TV): "Welcome back to F8ktv and the drawing of our
legendary 'Fan of the Year' award! But before revealing the winner,
let's have a look at this year's amazing first price!"
SFX-0213 (cont.) - Advertisment: "The winner will go on a trip to North
Cothlestone Island, visiting the village of Nether Addlethorpe. Enjoy a
first-class stay in the halls of Thrumpton Castle, the original location
where the series 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' has been produced.
Breathe in the clear sea air and relax in the peace and quiet of a
romantic secluded island just off the coast of Great Britain. Walk in
the pawprints of your favorite stars and see the sights that made 'The
Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' the experience of your lifetime! Personal
butler service included. And don't forget to bring your friends, because
the offer is valid for up to four persons."
SFX-0213 (cont.) - ta-da, applause
SFX-0213 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "Alright, and now is time to
determine, who the lucky winner will be! Last month we asked you to send
us the answer to the following question: 'In how many episodes in a
total of 1404 installments was the murder committed by the gardener?'
The response was overwhelming. In just four weeks we received more than
200.000 individual responses. Unfortunately most of them obviously
looked up the number on Wikipedia - however, the number on Wikipedia,
1358 is wrong! He he he ... Thanks for that one to our director! What a
funny idea! Hilarious! He he he ..."
Poke groans, and pouts
SFX-0214 - Announcer (TV): "Anyway, that left us with a rather
manageable amount of submissions to draw the winner from. Three, to be
precise! And here they are, three envelopes which I will now put into
the pocket of my pants. My beautiful assistant Tatiana, the woman with
the two biggest ... ear tufts, will now slip her paw inside my pants and
draw the lucky winner. Come on, Tatiana!"
Poke drools and moves closer to the screen
Lori makes a horrified expression, moving away from the screen
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Tatiana (TV): "*MREOW*"
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "Oh yes, very good! Deeper ... deeper! MROW Ah ... Oh god, yeah, make sure it's really random, yes! There! Shuffle well! MEW Exactly there! And ... Yes, we have a winner! Thank you, Tatiana!"
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Tatiana (TV): "*MREOW*"
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "So, let's see ..."
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Paper rustling
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "The lucky winner is ... Loreena McFolkmanis, from Kansas, USA!"
SFX-0214 (cont.) - Music, Applause!)
Lori (shrieks): "Oh my god! I won! Poke! I won! I don't believe it!"
Lori kisses Poke
SFX-0215 - Kiss
Poke spits and coughs
Lori (shouts): "I'm fan of the year! I'm the winner!"
Lori rushes to the door and bangs on it
SFX-0216 - Bang
SFX-0216 - Bang
SFX-0216 - Bang
Lori: "Lionel! Mika! Lionel! Come out! Fast! Something happened! Mika!"
Lionel comes rushing out the door, wearing a red thong on his head.
SFX-0217 - door opens
Lionel (in panic): "Aaaah! Lori! Are you alright? What
is it? Is the house on fire? Is anyone hurt? Did you call the police?
The fire department! We must get out of here, quick! Mika!"
Lori: "Oh, Lionel! You won't believe it! I'm fan of the year!"
SFX-0214 STOP - Music, Applause!
SFX-0218 - Needle Scratch!
Lionel stops dead in his tracks
Lionel: "You are what?"
Lori: "We're going to Thrumpton Castle! Oh Lionel, isn't this wonderful?"
Mika appears, wearing a sock on her nose.
Lionel: "What? Who is 'we"? And what on earth is
Thrumpton Castle? Are you nuts hollering like that? I thought something
terrible might have happened!"
Mika sneaks up behind Lionel, grabs the thong from his head
Mika: "Give me that!"
Lori: "Lionel, don't you understand? Thrumpton Castle is
Blackwhite Castle! And I just won four tickets! We can stay there for a
whole week! And we even get our own butler! Oh ... I'm so excited!"
Mika (shouts from next door): "Lionel! Move your fuzzy behind back in here! I'm waiting for you!"
Lionel (looking back and forth): "Lori, that's very neat and stuff, but it's a very inconvenient time ..."
Mika (shouts): "Lionel! What takes you so long?"
Lori: "What do you say, are you coming or not?"
Lionel (desperate): "Uh ... I ... I ..."
Mika (shouts): "What do you say, are you coming or not?"
Lionel (shots): "No! ... Yes! ... I mean ... Arrrgh! Yes! Yes, all right!"
Mika (shouts, sarcastically): "Yay!"
Lori (shouts, happily, and dances): "Yay! We'll have so much fun! We'll go to Thrumpton Castle, we'll go to Thrumpton Castle!"
Lionel groans, and turns back, walks towards the door
Mika (shouts): "What's all the noise about?"
Lionel (resigned): "Oh nothing important, honey. Lori just wanted to show me something on television."
SFX-0219 - door slams
Lori continues to dance
Lori: "We'll go to Thrumpton Castle ..."
Lionel (off): "Mrrrr ... hey sweety ..."
Mika (off): "Hey, welcome back, handsome. So, what did Lori show you?"
Lionel: "Oh, nothing special. By the way, I just got an idea ... what do you think about England?"
Mika: "England? Not bad ... but right now, I'd rather have something ... french."
SFX-0220 - purrs
Mika purrs and giggles
MUS-02 - Miss Marple Theme